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Reflection of a stranger [Oct. 19th, 2006|04:25 am]
[Current Mood |disappointeddisappointed]

One has become two. The person I see in the mirror is not the one I see when I dream. I'm not so sure I like that.
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"Bleed Like Me" [Mar. 21st, 2006|09:33 pm]
Avalanche is sullen and too thin
She starves herself to rid herself of sin
And the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin
And she says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Chris is all dressed up and acting coy
Painted like a brand new Christmas toy
He's trying to figure out if he's a girl or he's a boy
He says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Doodle takes dad's scissors to her skin
And when she does relief comes setting in
While she hides the scars she's making underneath her pretty clothes
She sings:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Therapy is Speedie's brand new drug
Dancing with the devil's past has never been too fun
It's better off than trying to take a bullet from a gun
And she cries:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

JT gets all fucked up in some karaoke bar
After two drinks he's a loser after three drinks he's a star
Getting all nostalgic as he sings "I Will Survive"
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Just try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
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(no subject) [Nov. 13th, 2005|11:11 pm]
“As for me, I am a watercolor.
I wash off.”

I feel so alone. Lost, in a world I knew so well. I have reached that dreaded point where I can barely recognize myself in the mirror.
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life at the moment... [Jul. 16th, 2005|02:18 pm]
[Current Mood |draineddrained]

Can best be described in this poem:

There can be certain potions
needled in the clock
for the body's fall from grace,
to untorture and to plead for.
These I have known
and would sell all my furniture
and books and assorted goods
to avoid, and more, more.

But the other pain
I would sell my life to avoid
the pain that begins in the crib
with its bars or perhaps
with your first breath
when the planets drill
your future into you
for better of worse
as you marry life
and the love that gets doled out
or doesn't.

I find now, swallowing one teaspoon
of pain, that it drops downward
to the past where it mixes
with last year's cupful
and downward into a decade's quart
and downward into a lifetime's ocean.
I alternate treading water
and deadman's float.

The teaspoon ought to be hearable
if it didn't mix into the reruns
and thus enlarge into what it is not,
a sea pest's sting turning promptly
into the shark's neat biting off
of a leg because the soul
wears a magnifying glass.
Kicking the heart
with pain's big boots running up and down
the intestines like a motorcycle racer.

Yet one does get out of bed
and start over, plunge into the day
and put on a hopeful look
and does not allow fear to build a wall
between you and an old friend
or a new friend and reach out your hand,
shutting down the thought that
an axe may cut it off unexpectedly.
One learns not to blab about all this
except to yourself or the typewriter keys
who tell no one until they get brave
and crawl off onto the printed page.

I'm getting bored with it,
I tell the typewriter,
this constantly walking around
in wet shoes and then, surprise!
Somehow DECEASED keeps getting
stamped in red over the word HOPE.
And I who keep falling thankfully
into each new pillow of belief,
finding my Mercy Street,
kissing it and tenderly gift-wrapping my love,
am beginning to wonder just what
the planets had in mind on November 9th, 1928.
The pillows are ripped away,
the hand guillotined,
dog shit thrown into the middle of a laugh,
a hornets' nest building into the hi-fi speaker
and leaving me in silence,
where, without music,
I become a cracked orphan.

one gets out of bed
and the planets don't always hiss
or muck up the day, each day.
As for the pain and its multiplying teaspoon,
perhaps it is a medicine
that will cure the soul
of its greed for love
next Thursday.

Anne Sexton
"The Big Boots Of Pain"

Yes, you will see more regular posting by me here.
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(no subject) [Dec. 26th, 2004|07:22 pm]
Wondering where I have been?

You're not alone.

I do not think I have spoken to anyone since World of Warcraft came out and I really think this pattern of behavior will continue.

Yes, its just that good.

Want to talk to me? Get WoW, create an Alliance character on the Elune server and then you can find me. Character name, Nerys, at present level 32 Druid.

Oh and if you intend to comment with a "Druids suck" comment don't waste your energy. I could care less what other people think, my guild loves me as do the long list of friends who always look for me when creating a party for an elite quest. So kiss my shapeshifting purple ass!

Thank you and I hope to see you all playing soon!


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(no subject) [Nov. 22nd, 2004|10:22 am]
[Current Mood |draineddrained]

"Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't."

Life has been, to say the least crazy lately. Wednesday my grandfather had a minor heart attack which he tried to ignore and pass off as heart burn. He was unsuccessful since his wife is a worrier (runs in the family) and his son, my father is a captain for Miami-Dade fire department who upon speaking to his mother sent his buddy Kirby out to see if his father truly needed to go to the hospital. Kirby determined he did, so they packed his grumpy butt into the rescue and took him to Kendall Regional. Once there the doctors told him what I am sure he and no one else likes to hear, if we don't do surgery your next one will probably kill you.

Friday morning the entire Hayes clan was in the surgery waiting room, our family deals with situations like this with humor and our sense of humor is a bit warped so I can only imagine what others in the room thought when they would catch bits and pieces of our various jokes and when we would tease each other. Two tense phone calls from the surgery room and six hours later we stood at the end of a hall while they rolled my sleeping grandfather by to critical care. It was odd to see him hooked up to so many machines. They had successfully completely a triple bypass, taking arteries from his leg to replace the bad ones connected to his heart. My grandmother was unable to watch him go by, she was afraid she would react and the nurse told us he would be able to hear reactions and reactions like gasps and crying could have a negative effect on him.

Three hours later they told us we could see him in pairs for a brief moment. When I went in with my aunt Carmen, I thought he looked amazing considering they have just cracked open his chest and stopped his heart. His coloring was good, he could almost be described as vibrant. The doctor told us recovery is the hardest part, some take a few days to awaken some a week to really start getting their strenght back and complications can arise.

The next day he was awake and eating like a horse while complaining that the food tasted like shit. In other words he was back to his old grumpy self and all of us couldn't help but laugh. The doctors had said that his heart was strong, it was just his plumbing that was clogged. The nurses caring for him said he was one of the fastest recoveries they had in his age group, I think they were nicely telling us he is a grumpy bastard. We know, that's why we love him.

So for those of you wondering why I have been missing in action all this week / weekend, now you know. Now I have to go pick up my brother from school so that we can visit him at the hospital.
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(no subject) [Nov. 4th, 2004|12:31 am]
Well I am off to a dog show, in Ocala, I shall return on Sunday.

later kiddies...
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(no subject) [Oct. 25th, 2004|03:17 pm]
I got a new client and that is without even being out there (known I mean). My business website isn't even complete, still I see this as a big positive. So now as soon as I finish SDKC's site I will work on my new client’s. Now if only SDKC could give me all their content already I would be finished. *sighs*

However right now I need to go write a 4-7 page essay analyzing a scene from Richard III in a theatrical perspective. Shouldn't be too difficult to accomplish, the hardest part is not procrastinating and getting started.
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(no subject) [Oct. 21st, 2004|01:23 am]
"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from."

Clarity is a rare thing indeed (just ask Dax), and as cliché as this sounds it has come to me during some pretty frightening occurrences in my life. Those of which I do not wish to discuss further in hopes that I will not jinx the positive possibilities in my current situation. Just know that what some of you, and when I mean you I am including those of you who do ‘know’ me have believed me to be may begin to change, drastically.

Now if only the voices would be as kind as to all stop speaking at once I could accomplish some sort of organization within my head.
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(no subject) [Oct. 20th, 2004|01:41 am]
For those of you on my friend list not on the dog communities, I just wanted to post this here for you all to watch and pass along. It is very moving and powerful video about Pit Bulls. Too many people blindly hate them. Being involved in dog shows and rescues I will be the first to say these dogs are in no way vicious monsters, the monster are their owners.

Please watch it and pass it along to as many people as possible. People need to be educated on this matter.

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